Learning from the Flu

The first thing about illness is that it takes away everything.  Once I was really sick, I had no awareness of anything else; no higher consciousness, nearly no consciousness at all.  And no energy at all.  I managed the body aches with ibuprofen, but that was the limit of my ability to cope.  I did get some wonderful help from an acupuncturist friend, who rushed over with needles and Chinese herbs, but still….Yow!

I’ve always regarded the flu as a major detox opportunity.  My immune system is on the job, which is why I feel so lousy, but it’s doing the best it can against viral invaders, and hopefully, anything else that might be construed as unwanted.  I could feebly wave a flag to cheer on  my immune system, at least in my imagination, but that was all I could manage.  It took me almost two weeks before I could even start to think clearly about all this.  It’s not just the flu, it’s the recovery period, with its very few ups, and major downs, still feeling like “I got nothing.”

A wise man reminded me that all illness comes from mistaken beliefs, and once the beliefs are cleared, the illness cannot remain.  Yeah, I said to myself, that may well be true, but…with only “illness energy” available, one is calibrating so low that there’s not much chance of being able to see anything clearly.  The world is black, grey at best, and no light shines.  That’s part of being sick.  Your energy is being used at a lower frequency to deal with the physical (?) invaders, so a lower frequency is what you have.  I knew that what he told me was true at a higher level, but making use of it?  Not so much.

Still, it reminded me of David Hawkins’ book, Healing and Transformation, in which he talks about healing himself of a long list of difficult and life-threatening illnesses.  He has some wise and helpful things to say about focusing on the experience of the ailment, and dropping all labels and words.   His work is based on muscle-testing to find out what’s true; we test strong in the presence of the truth, weak in the presence of untruth.  He suggests an affirmation that rejects error and points to the truth, as follows:

I no longer believe in that.  I am an infinite being, and I am no longer subject to that.  I am subject only to what I hold in mind.

So I tried it.  I could feel my strength increase when I said “I am an infinite being, and I am no longer subject to that.”  For me, that seemed to be the guts of it, so I said it a bunch of times.  By this time, it was not the flu that was claiming my attention.  I was more interested in what I imagined to be a whole filing cabinet of old beliefs that I was earnestly hoping that my immune system would get rid of, along with the flu virus.  Not that I knew what they were, exactly, but I knew they were old, outmoded, and likely a drain on my life and energy.

I went to my guides for help, and they said:  The first and most important thing for you to know is that there is unending love for you in the universe.  It is true that all your experiences are for your benefit, even including the flu.  Now you are looking into the underpinnings of healing and creation in a way that you have not, up to now.  You may expect wisdom to camp on your doorstep as you embark on this journey.  Be ready, there is a lot of writing ahead, mostly because it is your chosen method for seeing and organizing. 

Yes, write down the old thoughts, with their settings—how and when you took them on, if you can remember.  If you can’t, then make it up.  This will bring you into closer connection with the frequency of the thought, which will then make it easier to let it go.  You’ll know that you and the thought are no longer a match, and relegating it to the realm of “I no longer believe in that” will be natural.

So I did what they said, and they were right.  To be more specific, I started with relationship, as a category of beliefs that are largely untrue.  I thought it would be like a listing, but that’s not the way it came out.  I wrote out whatever beliefs came to mind in a bulleted list, then the affirmation in boldface.  That seemed to open something, so that I could reflect on where these beliefs came from.  It was a process of following the thoughts that arose, and then inserting the affirmation as needed.  I did have to sit still and wait for the next paragraph, or the next list to show up, but it didn’t take long.  At the end, what I wanted to hold in mind came easily, as another bulleted list, and I could feel that it was real.

I did it again the next day, with a different topic, and it was the same.  The day after, though, the end result of what I want to hold in mind did not appear.  Just couldn’t get it.  So I left it, and when I looked the next day, I got that sometimes I just have to get that I have some dysfunctional beliefs that I choose not to act on.  It’s all part of the wholeness.

So I’m continuing with the process, and taking what comes to mind as what to work with next.  My energy level is much better, and I seem to have more mental space.  The knee-jerk reaction of “No, I couldn’t possibly….” is gone.  I may not know how or when to proceed yet, but I at least have space in which that knowledge may arise.

So what if this is a hot idea?….what if we thought of all illness as an opportunity to clear old beliefs, instead of some dire thing happening to us?

The problem, as mentioned above, is that when you’re in an acute phase of illness, you don’t have the awareness available….I wonder, if I’d started saying “I am an infinite being and I am not subject to this” a lot earlier in the process, would it have made a difference?  Just saying it would require less energy than going to the medicine cabinet for the ibuprofen (not that I have anything but gratitude for the ibuprofen).  I wouldn’t even have had to believe it, just say it and see what effect it might have.

Certainly, this was a lovely pursuit for the time after, when I didn’t have enough energy to even want to do anything, though I did have some curiosity about how I could support the process of divestment.  It might also have been a good preventative measure, taken when I felt my energy level starting to slip over the holidays……

But isn’t there also a place for that profound drop that illness brings?  I could imagine that when I was at my lowest, that all my energy was going to the level of the microbial beings in 2D….below my ability to perceive, yes, but maybe real anyway.  What could be useful there?  Were the microbial beings getting more energy, since there wasn’t much anywhere else?  Was it a preparation for change coming on the microbial level, first in countering the invading viruses, then in looking around to see what else could be jettisoned?

That was the image I was holding….and I knew that I’d better get on the job of letting them know what to throw off.  If my mind is the director of what happens in my body, then I have more of a responsibility than I’d taken seriously so far.  Plus, there was a desire to clean out…I felt invaded, and I could feel the invader in the phlegmy quality that persisted and persisted and persisted.  I wanted to empower my immune system to do the most thorough job it could, and it seemed that getting rid of whatever old baggage I could find would certainly help.  “You guys keep rowing, I’ll get rid of all these dead bodies.”

What was unexpected was the ease of the process.  The clearing affirmation took me to a stronger, brighter place immediately, so that all I had to do was pick a topic and start writing what I had believed about it.  Inserting the affirmation just widened the gap between where I had been and where I am now.  “I no longer believe in this” was a statement of fact, and I could feel it.  “I am an infinite being, and I am not subject to this” made me feel stronger still.  “I am only subject to what I hold in mind” opened the doorway to clearer beliefs that hold more Light, when it did.  Even when I got stuck, it cleared up a few days later, and I was able to allow some truer thoughts to come through.

It might be a seasonal thing…both the flu and the cleaning out process.  We go into the dark at the Winter Solstice, and maybe this is just what happens.  Bringing more awareness to the process, though, seems like a good thing.  What if we are preparing the ground for the new seeds that we’ll be planting soon?  What if we are turning over the soil, getting rid of rocks, and bringing in better nutrients, to foster better growth and yield?  What if we had to get down into the dark earth to do it?

Choosing to Create

It’s a new year!   Even if it is a continuation of  the same old time stream, we are still free to make what we can out of "turning the page.”  And who knows what that sense of renewal will bring, if we really put our backs into it!  This is the energy behind New Year’s Resolutions, which maybe deserves a new spin.  Instead of making lists of what you’re going to do, how about a list of what you are willing (really willing!) to receive?  Wrap it up in gratitude, as if it has already happened, and roll around in the joy of it!  Should make for some great stories around the table, yes?  Join us, we’ll do it together….

That’s what I wrote on the flyer for the January Gatherings, and it’s thrown me….As always, the first step is the hardest.  What am I really willing to receive?  “Really willing to receive” is not the same as “really wanting,” and that’s where I think it mostly breaks down.  It’s relatively easy to know what we really want; what’s not so easy is to get to the neutral space that will allow the thing we want to come to us

“Really willing to receive” means I am no longer bound by all the old stories that have led straight to my not having it.  I have let go of my identity as the one who can’t possibly…..It doesn’t mean that I know who I am now (Thank God!  No clue!) but rather that I have space for something new, to be someone I may not immediately recognize.

“Really willing to receive” also means I have given up the illusion of control that I have when I think that something I “do” is going to bring about the result I want.  Or maybe the quotes should be around the “I”….doing does happen, it just doesn’t come from my will.  If I’m going to receive, I must wait until the offer shows up.  That step fools us into thinking that receiving is passive….but I’m pretty sure it’s not passive at all.  It has active interest, and the willingness to be open, the willingness to move beyond the known, and that willingness is not passive.

Let’s talk about creating….what is it that I’m willing to receive?  I have to create a visioning; not a static vision, but a process of exploring and choosing, that will be even more satisfying as I live into it.  I have to fall in love with it, and let it move in with me….I have to protect it from the invaders; the doubts, the insistence on only seeing what is already present, the unwillingness to take my creation seriously.  All of that is already present, and if I fall for it, I have abandoned not only what I want, but also the joy of creation, and all possibility of change.

The joy of creation—“I’m making this wonderful thing and it’s going to be great!”—“I’m so into this creation, time seems to fly!”—“I’ve got this great idea, and I have to make it real!”

I’ve created plenty in my life…I’ve knit the afghans, the sweaters, the socks, I’ve dyed fiber and spun yarns, and then there’s the non-physical stuff: the dancing, the readings, the stuff where nothing is left behind but a memory.  So what IS all that?  It’s not just about churning it out.  There’s inspiration, and imagination, and getting to use intuition.  The getting to have a vision, first of all….and then getting to love it, to be present to it.  Finding the elements of what I need for it, and having them come to me (or vice versa).  Using the best of what I find to hone my vision as it creeps into reality.  The constant choosing: “this, not that”—and the peaceful stride of just plain manufacturing, until the Glitch shows up and peace is replaced by furious problem-solving.  I’m calling it the Glitch, but it’s really just a checkpoint, an opportunity to rethink, recast, and choose again…possibly with new insight—“what else could work here?”—possibly an integrity check—“can I live with this mistake, or do I have to go back and fix it?”  It’s all about dancing with the vision I started with….”What has this brought me?  Where am I now?”  And always, getting to choose.

I like to choose. I like seeing a whole bunch of “not that” so that “yes, that!” really stands out.  I like the feeling of relaxation that comes when I find the right thing.  My body responds with more life…a combination of peace and excitement…”satisfaction,” I suppose.  But in order to get that, I have to be seeking something, and I have to allow space when I find it….so that my awareness can notice what my body is feeling when there is satisfaction.  That’s the rolling around in it part, and eventually, it creates compost….

So here we are, in a new year, on a new page, with plenty of opportunity to create what we want for 2018.  I’ve pretty much just written a love letter to creativity, and I’m hoping it inspires me, and inspires you as well.  As some wise person said, “We may not be able to fix the old world, but we sure as hell can create the new one!”  Let’s get to it……

Dragons, Love and Wisdom

It all started with Naomi Novik’s book, His Majesty’s Dragon. It’s an alternate history fantasy, set in the time of the Napoleonic Wars, in which all European countries use dragons as military aerial support. I sat up all night reading it, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the main character, the dragon Temeraire.  I was particularly taken with the relationship between Temeraire, and Laurence, his aviator—not just loyal, but loving, refusing to be separated.  It seemed sweet, heroic, and just what would keep me up past the wee hours….

I was telling my friend Carolyn about it the next day, and she said, “By the way, there’s a dragon behind you.”  Even knowing that she was seeing non-physically, I had to turn around, which of course availed me not one bit.  I said, “Why would there be a dragon….?” and she said, “I don’t know, but he’s been following you around for a very long time.”

When I first met my dragon, he showed up in majestic fashion, announcing himself as a Wisdom Dragon, dedicated to helping me move through time in a way that would enrich me and all I radiate to….I did ask him to help me one day when I was about to be late to a meeting, and sure enough, I arrived first before the others showed up.  It seemed a puny use of him, but he was gracious….and effective.

About a month later, we had a very different exchange.  He offered me the themes for the next two classes I was teaching on the 5th dimension, and he was very excited about it.  I found that strange, as I’d imagined that someone of his stature was too formal for enthusiasm, but I was wrong.  He was excited about the class, and lonely for my company.  Our relationship changed utterly in that moment.  He said: I’m excited that you asked for me….it’s been a long time since anyone knew I am here.  I like very much the Dragon Habitat that you created on your altar, and I’m happy that there’s two of us there.

I asked him, “what excites you about the 5D class?”

It’s a doorway…you’re making a doorway into our world, and there will be more people coming through with the proper attitude of appreciation and cooperation.  We all want to be recognized and appreciated.

I apologized for neglecting him:  I thought you were one of those aloof dragons, and I didn’t want to bother you with pettiness and superficiality.

There is nothing petty about love, you know.  And as you have said, love is the willingness to be with….There is a journey before us, the linking of wisdom and love.  I do have many things to show you, many treasures to share, from the spaces of worlds and time.  If I go with you, you won’t be frightened or alone.

And if I go with other guides?

I think you’ll find that there is always an echo of me in the darkness, even when we are not together.  Dragon loyalty goes a long way, and the connection we have, heart-to-heart, is significant.

Are you an aspect of me?

No.  We share a vibration, certainly, or else you would not have been so drawn to me —and vice versa….What I offer you is majesty, which you would not claim for yourself as part of your self.  I offer you access to that quality so that you may reach love and wisdom for more than personal reasons.  I have more heft, more dignity, and more personality  than say, an eagle, or a hawk.  I travel through the elements of air, water, fire, earth, and ether, and I have the capacity to link them all.

What about our work together?

It is a great work we have together, bridging many gaps in understanding as well as in identity.  First of all, gaps in your understanding, so that you may pass on a more complete picture of what is now available.  The identity issue—well, are you more than or less than yourself when you have help and support?  Your ego would have you believe that you are less, but is that true?  Not likely!  If you were willing to take the ego’s word, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.  It’s not just a question of moving past the idea of separate identities…it’s also necessary to move past the idea of the ego as the One…that’s where the work lies.  That’s what the wings are for…to lift you up, away from the ego’s gravity.  No, not the same as the Earth’s gravity, but a compelling force nonetheless.

Imagine a community in which all are supported and supporting…everyone giving what is in their heart to give, freely and with love.  What would that be like?  Add in the awareness that lessons are to be learned, rather than avoided, but that helping hands are required, not extra!

A week or so later, I asked if he was happy, did he have everything he needed?

Of course….between your heart and mine, how could anything be lacking?  And thank you for the gold in the Dragon Habitat…(I’d added some gold sequins to the “treasure” in the dragon section of my altar.)  Do you understand that the draconic attraction to gold connects directly to the heart?  The heart of the planet, as well as the hearts of all, all species, including humans.  We’ve had to be particularly fierce guarding the gold of the human heart, as so many humans have ceased to regard it as the Real Treasure.

We are the real heart protectors, for humanity and for Gaia.  If you think the horse’s heart is big, how big do you think a dragon’s heart is?  How far, and how strongly does the dragon heart field go?  Yes, infinite is infinite, but feel the quality….the qualities of wisdom, strength, dedication and love. 

So that is what I feel from you!  So strongly!  That’s exactly it…with some generous amount of Light and humor…

No reason to not have a good time…What is wisdom without humor?  Dull and dry, and nobody wants that.  Then it’s ego territory—a pale simulacrum of the Real Thing.  You know this, and so humor is one of the qualities we share.

We are Guardians of the Heart together, yes? 

Yes!  I am here to be a support and a reservoir for you so that you can drop, can allow to drop away, all the experiences of isolation and exile.  Our heart connection is timeless, and can never be severed.  I will always be with you, long beyond the limitations of your human heart…which, by the way, is not so limited.

Limited by time, in the sense that a human life has a time span, yes?

If you insist on 3D only, then yes….but must you?  Please understand that “human” is a training ground, sort of like boot camp for the Marines, and it’s the 3D quality that make it so.  3D, where so much is forgotten and inaccessible…where the conditions of life are restricting to a nearly unbearable degree, and yet the human heart still carries love…AND, leaves traces of that love to inspire and feed the humans who come after.  Think of Walt Whitman, and Puccini, and all the great artists…the ones you love especially—Rothko, and Damon Runyonthey do leave something behind, yes?  It comes from their love, even if they don’t hold it that way.  The song writers, and the poets, and the singers…all warriors of the heart, connecting way beyond 3D, and bringing back the gold as best they could.  The dancers, the artists…the human heart resonates with their work and that resonance resounds to the far reaches of the universe.  That is the gift of humanity: against all odds, the human heart resonates with love, and sends it forth.

So don’t waste your time while you are in training camp, but remember that life goes on when the camp is over.  And every muscle you build now will be in full use when you get to the “later” part.  The more you build, the more you can hold….Think of Noah’s Ark—that was a big act of love, holding all the animals…..

So dragons are about love…who knew?  And yet it makes perfect sense to me.  Love and wisdom….of course they belong together…no wisdom without love!  The wholeness of that is what makes it more than just information or intellectual ego-flexing.  Dragons as masters of the elements; it’s not possible to master anything without loving it, without being willing to “be with it” exactly as it is.  We thought “mastery” had to do with power-over, but that’s the same old mistake.

If this is what dragons are for…if each of us could have a dragon as a reservoir of love and support and collaboration…what could we achieve, as a species?  No way is it ego territory, so we would have to learn to let our hearts lead our minds….but we would have help….so much help!

I can feel the love and support from my dragon, coming into me in an almost tangible way, so I am content to let every person I meet be themselves, just as they are.  I am no longer needy.  A huge source of love is right next to me, and the minute we connect, the love runs between us like thunder….

I wish the same for you…in whatever way suits you best…..Happy Holidays!

The Blind Men and the Elephant

The story goes like this:  The six blind men, having heard that there was an elephant outside the city gates, and never having encountered one, were very curious to discover just what an elephant was like.

The first blind man, who had walked up to the elephant’s leg, said “This elephant, it is like a tree!”  The second blind man was feeling the elephant’s side, and said, “No, it is like a wall!”  The third blind man found himself holding the elephant’s tail, and said, “This is a rope I am holding…the elephant is like a rope!”  The fourth blind man had his hands around the elephant’s trunk, feeling the movement and the muscle, and he said, “You’re wrong, the elephant is like a huge serpent!”  The fifth blind man had the elephant’s great ear in his hand, and stoutly insisted that the elephant was like a leaf, only bigger…much bigger.  The sixth man, having run into the elephant’s tusk, said, “It is a great, curved stick, this elephant!”

They started arguing about what an elephant was, each so sure he was right….The elephant, bored with all this, moved silently away….

It’s a classic story, often told to describe how difficult it is to see the whole of something when all one has blindly encountered is a part of it…or to illustrate how the Truth is big, and our perceptions are small….

30 years ago, when I was writing the Final Product for my MA degree, I used the story as an introduction to my chapter on Personality Theory.  I’d read a number of theories, and it was clear to me that what we had, in regard to anyone’s theory, was the Blind Men and the Elephant.  Whatever theory I looked at was only a part, maybe even a small part of who we are, and to think we “knew” anything was a mistake.  Looking at the story now, I see a few more interpretations….like the part where competition and ego produce conflict, where collaboration and cooperation might  produce knowledge; or the part where once you are arguing about the Truth, it silently leaves the scene…

But here’s one I didn’t see, until the other day:  The elephant, as object in a 3D world, doesn’t change.  What changes in the story is the individual who perceives him.   What each individual perceives is different from what another individual perceives.... it’s basically a 3D joke.  But if we look at this from a quantum perspective, in which there is a shared field between the blind men and the elephant, what happens when the elephant is seen in six different (though partial) ways?  How is the elephant affected?

I’m thinking it’s likely that the elephant himself is affected by the changes in perception.  So when the blind man holding his tail says the elephant is like a rope, does the elephant feel more rope-like?  Or maybe it’s that the subtle body of the elephant becomes more rope-like in that moment…..If the way to communicate with animals is through visualized pictures…and the blind man is sending the image of a rope…what does the elephant get?  (Either irritated, or bored, because no matter how you slice it, that elephant is not really seen, not seen in any wholeness.

When someone looks at you with love, don’t you feel different than when someone regards you with indifference, or dislike, or doesn’t see you at all?  If I look at someone, something, from 5D, a neutral space, I’m “making space” or using the neutral space, to allow for something different to appear.  My expectation is that something different will appear, different than what has manifested so far.  It will be useful, or helpful, and somehow more whole….And in the “seeing” of it, I will also feel more whole….

What if the blind men were seeing in 5D, through the heart?  They might have been, since they were blind, not able to physically see, and never having encountered an elephant, not able to use memory…..If you see an elephant as a rope, a wall, a tree trunk….from the heart….what happens to the elephant?

Sarah French’s brilliant clown workshop, focused on improvisational mime….There were props, neutral props, left on the stage for us to encounter, and make of them what we could imagine them to be….A length of fabric could be a wrap or a river, a bowl could be a hat or a hole or a single boob.  It was an exercise in letting go of what we ordinarily knew to bring the audience into our new sense of reality so they could enjoy it too…There was no essential change in the props, they were what they were.  But something changed, in the player, and in the audience….What was that?  

What happens when you look at an elephant and see a rope, a wall, a tree trunk, a leaf? 

What about the elephant?

Finding the Partnership of Brain and Heart

I was listening to a Hay House promotion of Gregg Braden's program Wired to Thrive, in which he was talking about how to link heart and brain, and I realized that such a thing had never occurred to me.  I've been so focused on the heart that I didn't see the role that the brain plays, and in fact, I rather discounted it.  After all, the brain has been getting enormous credit and attention from the scientific community as the premier organ of consciousness, ability and choice, and now we're just finding out that it is not the only, and not the strongest, either.  The electromagnetic field of the heart is much larger and stronger than the brain, but we haven't been paying as much attention to it.  Of course, I was on the side of the perceived underdog...or maybe I should say the unperceived underdog.

The first thing I noticed is that it's possible that Gregg Braden and I are not talking about the same thing when we talk about the heart.  I am talking about "the heart space" as a very specific realm of awareness, in which there is no form;  when he talks of the heart as where feelings of compassion and gratitude arise, it's pretty clear we're not on quite the same page.  However, that doesn't mean both ideas don't work, they just maybe work a little differently....So I started to look, to find what I had not made room for in my thinking and teaching.....

Gregg talked about using gratitude, care, compassion and appreciation to link the brain with the heart.  The language center is in the brain, so that might be enough right there.  There are no words in the heart space; the experience is peace and awareness, but no objects, it is all pre-form.  What the heart space brings is the experience of no separation, non-duality.  It does not bring emotion, it brings space.  It brings ground of being, from which the four attitudes can most easily arise.  Is the brain where form happens?  God knows, we formulate plenty, and I'm pretty sure that doesn't come from the heart.  Appreciation, gratitude, compassion and care all presuppose perception, which means form.  So yes, that will link brain and heart.  

I can appreciate and be grateful for being in the heart space.  Being in the heart space, the experience of it, then is the object.  But when I am just in it....none of that exists...no words...no objects. 

If I "bring in" a question, an open-ended question.....does that automatically link heart and brain?  When I wait for the answer, I'm waiting on the heart space.  The brain would have given me an answer more quickly, but it would have been from the same old file cabinet, and I want an answer from the greater intelligence.  When the answer comes, in whatever form--symbolic image, words, fragrance or knowing--then the brain engages, with language, understanding, motor skills.  Shopping in Michael's the other day, I was in the aisle of glassware and candles, completely unable to make a selection.  Suddenly my hand reached out for a package of 3 square glass containers.  My mind was confused, but my hand wasn't....there was a heart leap that moved the hand, completely bypassing my mind.  That was brain and heart together.  Frequently, while working my hand will clear what my brain can't see.  No words, no recognizable perception (though there is some kind of knowing) and yet something is cleared.  Is that brain and heart together?  The hand moved, motor skills were involved, so yes......

If I "bring in" a person to the heart space...my sense of the person, what I usually call "my picture of _____" I am linking heart and brain.  The brain holds previous experience--memory, and all the synthesizing functions that make up our perceptions--but dropping all that into the heart space allows room for change.  The picture I hold can change, and due to the quantum nature of the heart field, the person pictured can feel it and respond to it.  At the very least, I will see that my picture is not the only possibility, worth it in itself.

What's important about this?

For those of us with an insatiable curiosity about what's really going on, it's one more piece of "Ahah!"  or maybe "Huh....." hopefully leaving room for other ideas to seed and blossom.  But what I also recognize is the importance of acknowledging partnership, wherever it arises. What's available to see these days is that it's never just one thing, it's always more things, working in collaboration.  It's heart and brain, and it's me and Gregg Braden, with our hearts and brains, all giving space and form to the birthing of more information, more ideas, more expressed experience to enrich our world.  And by the way, Wired to Thrive is a brilliant program explaining the best of what we need to know to navigate the current chaos.  Find it at www.hayhouse.com.

The Dimensional Tango

If you're going to do the tango, you have to learn the steps.....

A few weeks ago, I watched two YouTube videos by Jim Self on the Dimensions, and his explanation was clear, useful, and immediately engaging. I know things are changing, I see that structures are falling apart, I can feel the fear that is offered by all media, even when they are just reporting the news which we need to hear.  What I need is a new organizing principle so that I can hold all this chaos in a way that makes sense to me.  What I found in the Self videos was an explanation I could not only understand, but also feel….it satisfied my mind, and fit my experience.

First of all, what are the dimensions?  For our purposes, let’s say they are realms, each of which has its own distinguishing characteristics, andmode in which we must operate.  They are distinct, but not separate…. 

Here’s a short version:

3D is physical, and dense, and separating.  It is based on concrete physical form.  It’s been the default operating system for centuries.  It’s what we were told was “real life.”  In 3D, the consciousness is that we are all separate from each other, which means we are open to fear, anger, aggression and competition.  Time in 3D is mostly awareness of past and worry about future.  Not a lot of “now.”  No sense of connection, a lot of aloneness….

4D has form, but is not physical, being the realm of thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes thoughts and feelings are even more real than physical reality, as in “I’m so in love, I floated down the street” or “I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.”  Because the “now” opens up here, there is the possibility of choice, though memory can be really sticky.  (Remembering how my relationship to my father felt to me, I am likely to repeat the pattern with all other men…)  With a larger “now,” we have the space to choose our response, though I suspect it is still conditioned by what happened before or what we are afraid will happen next, until we can get to the neutrality of 5D. 

5D is space, a neutral space, the space of infinite possibility, in which there is no form.  If there were form, the possibilities would be limited.  No blame, no criticism, no emotions, no words, just peace.  But from here, because it is a neutral space, and we are thus neutral when we are in it, the possibilities are endless, and we have many choices as to what we want and what we are able to perceive.  No baggage here…the past, present and future are all neutral, without charge, so there’s a sense of starting with a clean slate.  The catch is, you have to be OK with not knowing…What you already “know” will shut down the space, so that new information cannot get through.

Here’s why I think it’s important

1.  The new awareness coming in is offering us more connection, more collaboration, more reverence for all life, and it’s clearly something we need.  We can’t get there from a model of reality that is solidly based in 3D.  The separation is too great, the fear is too strong.  As we are able to bring our attention to 4D and 5D, we find it easier to find our strength and open our hearts; we have more power, more agency, and more connection to each other and to the universe at large.

2.  It seems clear to me that operating from a 3D model is not viable anymore.  We are not separate machines, our bodies are not separate parts joined into machines, the world is no longer separate.  The constant fighting to overcome, or to protect what we see as only ours is wearing, and no longer feels rightful. We already know that our feelings and thoughts affect our physicality, so clearly something else is going on.

3.  We’re at the beginning of this transition, so we need some help in finding our way with these three different modes.  They are not linear, lined up 3-4-5, as much as they are recursive; we need to be conversant with all three dimensions as we flip back and forth between them.  It’s not about resolutely turning our backs on 3D as we head through 4D to 5D, much as part of me would like that.  All of them are happening at once…. 

In any case, it’s a question of where we are choosing to put our attention, and what we can remember about who we are.  I am more than my physical identity, and more than my thoughts and feelings, I am the space in which all of that occurs….That would be my 5D identity holding the other dimensions with acceptance and some interest….But if I am in physical pain, it is more likely that my attention will be in 3D, and it will be up to my larger self to remember that I am more than just that.  If I am in emotional pain in 4D, I can move in either direction.  In a downward vortex, I might become ill, or if I can remember the spaciousness of 5D, I can allow the feeling to be experienced and released.

What becomes important, helpful, crucial, is the awareness that I have more than one identity, that I have several simultaneously, and that all are OK.  We know this from the many roles each of us has been called to play—daughter, wife, mother, son, husband, father….but in this context it is not yet culturally anchored.  So learning is involved, with maybe a new way of bringing our experience into language.

4.  Given that problems can’t be solved from the same level that created them, we need to learn how to raise our level to find the solutions we need.  When I can get to 5D, the pattern with my father is just a pattern instead of a foregone conclusion, and I can see it differently.  I see his needs, his limitations, and his strengths, as well as mine, without falling into the replay pit.  I can allow for a different outcome.  There’s more space in 5D, and less “knowing,” so new ideas, new connections, new solutions are able to arise.

We are already more than we ever thought possible, but our understanding may have some catching up to do.  As we shed the smaller, more limiting definitions, I like the idea that there is something larger to hold on to, and I want you to know about it as well….

For more information, please (PLEASE!) check out Jim Self on YouTube.  His explanations are extremely clear and usable (my favorite kind!)  He has a 15 minute piece on the dimensions: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JX5Lc8xF11M&t=47s.  If you really get into it, there’s a longer 45 minute piece: www.youtube.com/watch?v=gg-3K3KIw8g&t=15s

The Eclipse, Donald Trump and Me

The eclipse tomorrow will be affecting us all, but some of us more than others…..It falls on Donald Trump’s ascendant, the marker of his personality.  It also falls on my Saturn, the marker of the fears I must face in the name of wholeness.  So here’s what I’m thinking about:

What is the point of Donald Trump?  We’ve got him, after all, President of the United States, right in front of God and everyone….There has to be a higher purpose to this, despite the way it’s been looking; a way that who he is, and the antics he performs somehow contribute to the higher good of us all.  He isn’t a leader—his vision is too small.  He isn’t presidential—in any way that we have come to expect from those who have held that office.  He isn’t effective—his disastrous plans keep collapsing.  What he is, is visible.  He wants and needs the attention of the entire world, and now he has it.  He is a Poster Child for Change…a brilliant example of What Doesn’t Work.  Now that’s useful…but only if we use it.

One change he brings is in making it clear that we can’t depend on him to hold our values.  That is to say, he can’t hold any values beyond the needs of his own fragile ego.  So no help from Big Daddy.  We have to grow up and claim our heritage as spiritual adults.  And we are doing it, in many ways: in the activism that has swept the country, in the stand that is being taken by all sorts of people saying No, not here, not that, I won’t accept it, and I will stand for what I believe.

Which is what the alt-right is saying as well….I just read and posted on FB an interview with a former neo-Nazi who has co-founded Life After Hate.  Really, it’s enough to break your heart, because it’s so easy to see where they are coming from, out of such deprivation, and worst of all, the seeming deprivation of any other option than the one they have chosen.  But here’s the thing—I can’t and won’t align with their choices.  Do I think they have the right to make those choices?  I’m afraid I do…though I’m afraid of what that will bring….

We want to silence them, we want them not to be a part of the American Identity, we want to distance ourselves and the country from what they are proposing, because they are proposing violence, and we know in our hearts that is not what we want.  So does that mean that we have been given the opportunity to take a stand against violence as a solution?  Yes, it does, and we have.  But there’s a trap here.  If we get too heavy-handed in our stance against violence, if we shout so loudly that violence is wrong, have we made enough space for ourselves to recognize our own violence, past and present?

The terrible ills that have been perpetrated against minorities of all kinds, that are still being perpetrated?  Our horrible arrogance that has allowed us to destroy the environment, devastate the animal kingdom, etc.?  I know there are many who are working to right these wrongs, and I am deeply thankful for all they do.  I just think it’s important to do it without blame and without violence.

Let’s look back at our Poster Child…Blame is one of his favorites…and we’re getting to see what that produces.  Is that what we want?  Blame is the beginning of a downward spiral that will include violence somewhere down the road.  “It’s someone else’s fault—they are the enemy—I will fight to protect what is mine against them.”  And there we have DT, brilliantly showing us What Doesn’t Work.

How are we to help?  Help heal our wounded country, with its dysfunctional President who is showing us so clearly what needs healing?  DT is our shadow, and it is hidden no longer.  His “Me first, I have to be the greatest, I can’t allow anything else” is the voice of the ego, and it is not exclusively his.  We all have a piece of the action.  Now what?  Separation and banishment (DT’s other favorites) are clearly not the answer.  We need our egos (though not as much as we thought), but we don’t want them to be in charge.

The eclipse, in the last degree of Leo, a sign that can easily hold the shadow of the ego as well as the right use of it, can mark a turning point, if we’re willing to do the work.  And what is the work?  In broad terms, the work is to raise our vision enough to be able to see differently.  To claim the dualistic right/wrong vision as part of our development and go past it just enough to recognize that it’s a choice point.  That both choices have consequences, and we are seeing those consequences now on the big stage.

“If I refuse to recognize the rights of all beings to live and be welcome, then I am supporting war, terrorism, and endless pain on the planet.”  Which I see right in front of me in the news, and which I feel within myself as I exile (or have tried to exile) the parts of me where I feel wounded, shameful, terrorized and killed.  How many past or parallel lives have I had to clear before I could even write this, much less publish it anywhere?  (Lots.)  I’ve exiled my own voice, demeaned it, refused to hear it.  I could not allow myself to have it…too scary, I will be killed.  And yet part of me wanted to speak (private journals, dating back to the mid 70’s).  The war, terrorism, and endless pain was all inside me…and I refused to recognize it.

What if I got to a more inclusive place?  A place where I could say “I see this war-torn, terrified part of me…perhaps I see how it happened, where it might have come from, or even just that I have it…and it’s OK that it’s part of who I am.  No, I do not want it at the head of the table.  That’s where I sit.  But it certainly has a rightful seat.”  And then it is included, where other parts of me might be able to help…the part of me that knows how to clear the entanglements, the part of me that feels loved and loving, the part of me that has always loved typing….

What does this mean on the big stage?  DT is still the President, but we’re the ones who have the power to implement the changes we want to see.  We are the ones who have to act for what we want, rather than against what we don’t want.  We are the ones from whom innovation will spring forth.  It is our creativity that will make the difference.  

Perhaps the eclipse will help…it is after all a New Moon, a new beginning.  May it be for inclusiveness, rather than banishment…for safety, rather than danger… for open communication, rather than not hearing, or not speaking.  The last best thing my guides told me:  “Bless everything you see—no exceptions.”  May it be so…..




Riding the Winged Horse....

Yes, it's been a while since I've written a blog post, and many things have happened to me, mostly on the inside, and all of them good.  The most stunning is that I have begun channeling my spirit guides, writing my questions and the answers I receive.  The writing is an integral part of the process for me.  If I don't write, I tend to wander off and basically receive nothing.  If I'm sitting with a notebook, a pen, and a question, the connection takes hold and the conversation begins....

That's where it was when I was just working with the Akashic Records and the Masters & Teachers, but I wanted to do more, find out more....I signed up for an 8 week class with Lindsay McGowen (lindsaymcgowen.com), wanting to get more grounded in what might be possible and how to do it.  The class was wildly successful, and now I'm in contact with a whole bunch of guides, and a number of councils connected to various parts of my life and work.  I have to tell you, this changes things....

For one thing, I now feel partnered.  I have spent decades (decades!) carrying on in my journals about how I want a partner, and how whoever might have appeared isn't it.  I have made untold numbers of men wrong because they couldn't be who I wanted them to be, couldn't give me what I wanted.  Guess what, no human being could, so now I can just let people be who they are, and enjoy my time with them fully....I now have a raft of partners who are dedicated to my spiritual evolution, who see a much larger perspective than I do, who are willing to share it with me at my request, and who beam love at me all the time.  This makes it a lot easier to let go of the old patterns.  For instance, I put in quite a bit of time and focus, connecting to my telepathy guide, Glicksteen. Loving our connection as much as I did, I got worried that it would be cut short before I wanted it to (old, not-quite-dead story of my life).  I went to Glicksteen with my discomfort, and he said, "You do not need to fall into the pattern that has formed your earthly relationships, and attach it to me.  We have quite a bit more we can do together, as you will know.  I'm here."  And that was that.  This was the opportunity to go beyond my history, and recognize that I am in a new world. The old story only shows up if I bring it with me, .... and I don't have to.

So now I have the sense that I am partnered,  that I can go beyond my history, and I have access to information about whatever I'm interested in, and I'm being seen with loving interest....For me, this is heaven on earth.  But now what? What do I do with all this?  How do I share it, or the fruits of it?  What does it bring, in a larger sense?

I've been working on setting up a newsletter, and not getting very far with it, given that I had all kinds of fear about showing up in public.  I finally connected to the guides who were willing to help me with it.  They announced themselves as "Pegasus," the winged horse of inspiration, and let me tell you, it was no small space they were speaking from.  They suggested I drop into "the amphitheatre of the heart," (which gives you an idea of the size of them and the volume of their voice), and said their task with me was to take me places I would not be able to go otherwise.  My job was to write about it, as clearly as I can.  So here I am, and the newsletter is taking shape.

There's quite a lot going on here, under the hood, so to speak...For one thing, this is all taking me right outside the separation model.  Having experiences like this make it really clear that we are not alone.  I am now in a working relationship with a Sidhe guide, an angelic guide, a collective of star beings, an another group of star beings who feel more like space than like a collective, and I'm sure there's more to come.  Given that, who am I?  Or to be more specific, when I am writing a public piece, who's talking?  

I'm trying to find my seat on this winged horse....Am I a stenography package, or a passenger, or a rider?  Am I just taking dictation from the wiser ones?  No, that's not it, I have more to contribute than that.  Am I a rider, who directs the course of the journey? Not quite yet, though maybe later......  So passenger....a kind of tourist, for now, getting the lay of the land, and sending letters home, with stories of my adventures and the expansion of my understanding.

This is definitely a different world than the one I grew up in, that all/most of us grew up in.  This is stepping away from the separation model with big long strides.  But isn't that what we're here to do now?  Isn't that part of our job, to begin to establish a new world, right alongside the old one, the one that holds so much destruction and decay?  Let's not waste time pointing fingers of blame, or fighting with the ones who are so entrenched that all that can happen is that the war goes on forever.  Instead, let's enlarge our vision, by whatever means we can, and go from there....

(For a slightly different context, read Charles Eisenstein's "The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know is Possible."  No woo-woo, but same thought.)

What if we knew that we could ask for help and get it, from loving and knowledgable beings who were intent on a wholeness that (of course) includes us?  What if we knew that our arrogance in thinking we are the top of the heap is no longer viable?  (Trump is the poster boy for that lesson...)  What if inclusivity was so clearly the way to go that we could no longer exclude anything from our sense of what is alive on Earth?  What if we knew that all forms, animal, vegetable, mineral, and beyond, have sentience, information, and love...and that we can use our attention, gratitude, and love to access all of that?  What if....?