Well, I’ve moved! I’m reasonably certain I can say that, though it seems that the experience itself cannot be confined to a particular date or time. It’s true, the movers showed up on the 21st of May, as arranged (Man with a Van, from New Paltz) and they were wonderful, moving everything out of the little cottage, taking it to the bigger cottage and arranging it, leaving me a little dazed. But that was not the end, nor was it the beginning.
The beginning was the closing, mid April, after which I could start to pack, if I didn’t mind living with a lot of boxes, and no access to what I had packed. No, that didn’t appeal to me. So, not yet packing, with the specter of “having to pack” hanging over me. After awhile, I realized that I could pack the books on the shelves, without seriously missing anything, and that’s when the influx of boxes began. It raised the question of “what is it that I’m accustomed to that I don’t actually need to have available?”….and so, more packing, and all yarn and jig saw puzzles to the storage unit.
The packing thing, the making space thing…that all started the end of April. Then there was the painting thing…I thought I was going to be the one to paint the walls, but I hadn’t reckoned on the ceilings, and even with help it was clear that it wasn’t going to work the way I’d thought. I’d been in some kind of Marie Antoinette fantasy; she and her ladies played at being milkmaids.....so not the truth! And neither was I a real painter, regardless of what I had painted in the past. So I got a painter, who had to be done in time for moving in on the 21st. And he too was wonderful!
At this point, I was getting used to not exactly living anywhere…or living in two places at once, one in physical reality, and one in my imagination. The thing was, there was so much to do and pay attention to on the physical plane that there was not much opportunity to indulge my imagination. So what I’ve been calling “the tyranny of the physical” got a really good start. I had to deal with the physical world, and the specificity of it. Everything I touched was in one specific place, and had to be moved to another specific place (into a box), in order to finally land in another specific place (which I had no sense of as yet). And because there was no peace in either cottage, I had to keep doing until it was done…I found that my mind wanted to stop several times before my body did, but it was a physical time, my body was dominant, and I kept going.
I’m pretty clear that this whole scenario is just a part of a larger work called “Wendy Meets the Earth.” After all, now that I’m “settled” so to speak, I see that I have a garden, with all kinds of perennials already planted, and plenty of room for annuals….I’m about to go out and have an experience with mulch! There’s so much to learn here…..
The house is pretty quiet. I’m down to the arranging of shelves and drawers, which can easily be put off until the annoyance factor moves it higher on the list of What Has to Happen Now. I’m getting used to my new beautiful surroundings, and I now have some patterns of movement that are taking hold. There is rest here….I’m almost home.
So what’s missing? Why is it “almost home”? My living space is surrounded by pictures and statues of goddesses, the place is practically a temple. But I haven’t yet found my participation with the unseen, here in this new space. Granted, the physical had to come first, at least for me it did. I’m satisfied with the results of my efforts, but not quite ready to launch my consciousness into the realms of the unseen…not ready to talk with the guides, or even to circle the dragons. And so it feels like I’m here by myself….delicious in a way, but not really the whole truth.
The cards that I drew for myself today remind me that I am involved in an act of creation, a continuing act that is brought forth from my individuality, in exactly the way that is particularly mine to do. They also remind me that I have allies in this process. These allies do not require ritual, they are easily available to me once I allow my awareness to recognize their participation. Is it really that easy? And why not, why shouldn’t it be that easy? In our wholeness, are we not connected to all other life forms? Even the ones that do not seem to have a stable form? Perhaps what’s needed is “participation with”….
Perhaps, as I go about the house, tweaking and straightening and organizing, I am reaching for (already in connection with?) the energy beings who hold a greater coherence, or coherence at a higher level. Maybe that’s why I’m tweaking, straightening and organizing. I certainly feel the parts of myself that are content to “just let it be,” but there are other parts that are just not satisfied, and urge me on to greater awareness of what I have and where it might best be placed. I can feel when I go out of coherence, looking at the muddled contents of a drawer or a shelf. And the act of making it right takes great attention and focus.
Is that creation? Am I involved in a creative act when I clear up the confusion of physical objects? Sorting the sock drawer?…Well, yes, I suppose that it is. It’s not different from the process of art, where the painter must choose all the elements of her painting; the colors, the shapes, the textures, the space. Just as much an individual choice, and just as much a connection to coherence. And if I decide that what I’m calling greater coherence is a connection to dimensions beyond the earth plane, then that is also part of my creation, and is worthy of honor. What changes for me in that is that I can more easily sense myself in connection, I can recognize that I am accompanied. I have brought my participation into the realm of other beings by simply allowing them to be part of the world I call mine….
Well. I guess that settles it. Time to get on with the desk drawer.