There was a psychic and healing fair at Opus 40 in Saugerties yesterday, and I tried to make myself go, but I realized I just didn't want to....though not without a struggle. I ended up at the Library book sale, where I got a lot of books for $16. I consider that a double victory--I didn't throw myself under the bus out of some idea of what I SHOULD do, and I acquired a lot of interesting books, which will entertain me as they pass through my hands on the way to their next home.
I'm wondering about contrast, a la Abraham-Hicks....In that situation yesterday, I knew what I didn't want: to be out in the sun with no shade, in the midst of too many people, feeling untethered and lost. What I got was being under a tent, with few people and a lot of books that I could choose freely and afford easily, feeling anchored in my own interest. I didn't have to put myself out in any direction except what arose naturally. I felt unobstructed......How did that happen?
Driving down the hill to 209, I asked myself, "If I don't want to go to Opus 40, what do I want?" and knew that I hadn't wanted to stay home. "OK, let's just go for a ride." I started through town, and remembered the library bag sale...."Let's have a look...." and there it was....easy to pull in and park, easy to browse....wild success all around.
But what I'm wondering is this: when we know what we don't want, we send a rocket of desire (unconsciously and automatically) for what we do want, and Source says Yes! The rocket of desire is for something that will please us, or at least we believe it will. What pleases us is moving towards greater alignment with Source, greater alignment with who we truly are (which is no-self, but let's let that go for now). So every rocket of desire is the reach for more alignment, regardless of content. And every time we look away from that desire, focus instead on what we don't want, we're voting for misalignment, and including what we don't want in our vibration. What we want most is more alignment, because that's what feels the best....and sometimes it looks like one thing or another, but it's not the content that makes the difference.
I didn't want to spend the whole day at home knitting. I wanted a gentle adventure out in the world, a pleasant summer experience....then I wanted to come home and knit. I don't like feeling lost, which I would have felt, if only from ignoring all the messages saying Let's don't go....but I do like exploring something I'm interested in (like Temple Grandin's SEEKING--see earlier post). I didn't want to be uncomfortable--from crowds of people, from the sun and heat, from having no real purpose, from feeling disconnected....
Could I have expanded my grasp by going to Opus 40? Not if I was uncomfortable when I got there. Might that have changed? Maybe, but the signals were otherwise. How many times have I heard Abraham say some version of "If it doesn't feel good on the way, you're not going to like it when you get there"? Did it work out better the way it happened? And was that because I paid attention to my own feeling signals? Absolutely!
So it's possible that feeling good is more than its own reward. By doing what I wanted, what felt good to me, I was strengthening my own alignment, raising the set point of my vibration so that more can flow forth from my vibrational escrow. Maybe what was important was that I consciously looked at what would feel better. Better was, "let's take a ride," instead of "I have to go to Opus 40." Opening to something inside me instead of closing off to it. Perhaps this will be my summer vacation--the vacation of doing what I want!