The first thing about illness is that it takes away everything. Once I was really sick, I had no awareness of anything else; no higher consciousness, nearly no consciousness at all. And no energy at all. I managed the body aches with ibuprofen, but that was the limit of my ability to cope. I did get some wonderful help from an acupuncturist friend, who rushed over with needles and Chinese herbs, but still….Yow!
I’ve always regarded the flu as a major detox opportunity. My immune system is on the job, which is why I feel so lousy, but it’s doing the best it can against viral invaders, and hopefully, anything else that might be construed as unwanted. I could feebly wave a flag to cheer on my immune system, at least in my imagination, but that was all I could manage. It took me almost two weeks before I could even start to think clearly about all this. It’s not just the flu, it’s the recovery period, with its very few ups, and major downs, still feeling like “I got nothing.”
A wise man reminded me that all illness comes from mistaken beliefs, and once the beliefs are cleared, the illness cannot remain. Yeah, I said to myself, that may well be true, but…with only “illness energy” available, one is calibrating so low that there’s not much chance of being able to see anything clearly. The world is black, grey at best, and no light shines. That’s part of being sick. Your energy is being used at a lower frequency to deal with the physical (?) invaders, so a lower frequency is what you have. I knew that what he told me was true at a higher level, but making use of it? Not so much.
Still, it reminded me of David Hawkins’ book, Healing and Transformation, in which he talks about healing himself of a long list of difficult and life-threatening illnesses. He has some wise and helpful things to say about focusing on the experience of the ailment, and dropping all labels and words. His work is based on muscle-testing to find out what’s true; we test strong in the presence of the truth, weak in the presence of untruth. He suggests an affirmation that rejects error and points to the truth, as follows:
I no longer believe in that. I am an infinite being, and I am no longer subject to that. I am subject only to what I hold in mind.
So I tried it. I could feel my strength increase when I said “I am an infinite being, and I am no longer subject to that.” For me, that seemed to be the guts of it, so I said it a bunch of times. By this time, it was not the flu that was claiming my attention. I was more interested in what I imagined to be a whole filing cabinet of old beliefs that I was earnestly hoping that my immune system would get rid of, along with the flu virus. Not that I knew what they were, exactly, but I knew they were old, outmoded, and likely a drain on my life and energy.
I went to my guides for help, and they said: The first and most important thing for you to know is that there is unending love for you in the universe. It is true that all your experiences are for your benefit, even including the flu. Now you are looking into the underpinnings of healing and creation in a way that you have not, up to now. You may expect wisdom to camp on your doorstep as you embark on this journey. Be ready, there is a lot of writing ahead, mostly because it is your chosen method for seeing and organizing.
Yes, write down the old thoughts, with their settings—how and when you took them on, if you can remember. If you can’t, then make it up. This will bring you into closer connection with the frequency of the thought, which will then make it easier to let it go. You’ll know that you and the thought are no longer a match, and relegating it to the realm of “I no longer believe in that” will be natural.
So I did what they said, and they were right. To be more specific, I started with relationship, as a category of beliefs that are largely untrue. I thought it would be like a listing, but that’s not the way it came out. I wrote out whatever beliefs came to mind in a bulleted list, then the affirmation in boldface. That seemed to open something, so that I could reflect on where these beliefs came from. It was a process of following the thoughts that arose, and then inserting the affirmation as needed. I did have to sit still and wait for the next paragraph, or the next list to show up, but it didn’t take long. At the end, what I wanted to hold in mind came easily, as another bulleted list, and I could feel that it was real.
I did it again the next day, with a different topic, and it was the same. The day after, though, the end result of what I want to hold in mind did not appear. Just couldn’t get it. So I left it, and when I looked the next day, I got that sometimes I just have to get that I have some dysfunctional beliefs that I choose not to act on. It’s all part of the wholeness.
So I’m continuing with the process, and taking what comes to mind as what to work with next. My energy level is much better, and I seem to have more mental space. The knee-jerk reaction of “No, I couldn’t possibly….” is gone. I may not know how or when to proceed yet, but I at least have space in which that knowledge may arise.
So what if this is a hot idea?….what if we thought of all illness as an opportunity to clear old beliefs, instead of some dire thing happening to us?
The problem, as mentioned above, is that when you’re in an acute phase of illness, you don’t have the awareness available….I wonder, if I’d started saying “I am an infinite being and I am not subject to this” a lot earlier in the process, would it have made a difference? Just saying it would require less energy than going to the medicine cabinet for the ibuprofen (not that I have anything but gratitude for the ibuprofen). I wouldn’t even have had to believe it, just say it and see what effect it might have.
Certainly, this was a lovely pursuit for the time after, when I didn’t have enough energy to even want to do anything, though I did have some curiosity about how I could support the process of divestment. It might also have been a good preventative measure, taken when I felt my energy level starting to slip over the holidays……
But isn’t there also a place for that profound drop that illness brings? I could imagine that when I was at my lowest, that all my energy was going to the level of the microbial beings in 2D….below my ability to perceive, yes, but maybe real anyway. What could be useful there? Were the microbial beings getting more energy, since there wasn’t much anywhere else? Was it a preparation for change coming on the microbial level, first in countering the invading viruses, then in looking around to see what else could be jettisoned?
That was the image I was holding….and I knew that I’d better get on the job of letting them know what to throw off. If my mind is the director of what happens in my body, then I have more of a responsibility than I’d taken seriously so far. Plus, there was a desire to clean out…I felt invaded, and I could feel the invader in the phlegmy quality that persisted and persisted and persisted. I wanted to empower my immune system to do the most thorough job it could, and it seemed that getting rid of whatever old baggage I could find would certainly help. “You guys keep rowing, I’ll get rid of all these dead bodies.”
What was unexpected was the ease of the process. The clearing affirmation took me to a stronger, brighter place immediately, so that all I had to do was pick a topic and start writing what I had believed about it. Inserting the affirmation just widened the gap between where I had been and where I am now. “I no longer believe in this” was a statement of fact, and I could feel it. “I am an infinite being, and I am not subject to this” made me feel stronger still. “I am only subject to what I hold in mind” opened the doorway to clearer beliefs that hold more Light, when it did. Even when I got stuck, it cleared up a few days later, and I was able to allow some truer thoughts to come through.
It might be a seasonal thing…both the flu and the cleaning out process. We go into the dark at the Winter Solstice, and maybe this is just what happens. Bringing more awareness to the process, though, seems like a good thing. What if we are preparing the ground for the new seeds that we’ll be planting soon? What if we are turning over the soil, getting rid of rocks, and bringing in better nutrients, to foster better growth and yield? What if we had to get down into the dark earth to do it?